Friday, February 29, 2008
The most memorable Feb. 29

A friend asked me last night, how I am going to celebrate the leap day. I told him I'd be staying at home, doing my assignments... because I see nothing special to celebrate or commemorate this day.

As much as the past leap days did not leave any impression in my mind, today will mark the most memorable Feb. 29.

Something happened this morning (before I went to bed). I messaged him & we started conversing via SMS & I realised he has been reading my blog, paying attention specifically to the entry before this.

He apologised & said he concluded he shouldn't be talking with me too much... Something which I've been battling. As I read that message, I was lost of words. I was upset of course, as much as I like him. I would be lying if I said I did not cry. I told him this has to do with myself, my own struggle... nothing to do with him directly actually. And the point he wanted to bring across was we can never be together, I guess. He said he don't want to hurt me. I know. He said that a thousand times. It seems like he is the North Pole & I am the South. I don't know if we're like oil & water as oil & water can actually be mixed.

As much as I've been ranting about this issue for the many, many days, deep in my heart is a longing, as God asks me to wait, a glimpse of hope of something positive in the future between us. But I guess that was very silly of me to ever start thinking that.

He wanted to explain things actually. But thanks to my 'anything', he gave up. He break into silence & that was how the conversation ended. Maybe it's a good thing not to talk directly (face to face or on the phone), lest I start crying...

I couldn't sleep this morning (last night)... I kept praying. And thank God for a dreamless sleep (I finally slept when it was almost 4... & I got up at 9), although I prayed for dreams to happen.

I know you will, most likely, come across this entry. As I've said, don't have to be sorry as this is my own cause. I don't know how it's going to be like starting from now but I know you'll always remain chirpy, right?

Haha, suddenly felt déjà vu...

Not in the mood to do anything... Sorry MI kakis, supposed to go back MI with you guys... I'm really not in the mood to do so now.

I don't know how I am going to prepare for this Sunday's worship later. All the more I need God to pull me through. May God's power be made perfect & be shown in my weakness.