Saturday, September 29, 2007
I missed God!

I was on my way to school yesterday morning. This uncle (in his 50s to 60s) had difficulty in walking and he was holding a walking stand with him. He talked to me & we chatted. He told me he was on his way to the hospital (NUH) for check-up. So I offered to help to take bus with him. But it seems like he, somehow or rather, would prefer to take a cab (most probably due to his inability to walk well).

So, he requested my help to give him some money to take cab as he only had $8. I told him I only had $10 (a note). He then said it was sufficient but my selfish thought came in--I only had this $10 for my breakfast & lunch later that day, despite wanting to help him. I was hoping if I could have smaller notes with me. So I did not say anything after that.

After sometime, my bus came & I went off. I felt bad after that. The thought subsided at the end of the day.

Then God spoke so directly when I did my quiet time last night:
"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:23-25)

Wow, it hit me real hard. How I wish God could let me know in advance. Haha, what a joke.

I need to come into "self-denial, self-giving and self-effacement" (Selwyn Hughes, Every Day with Jesus Sep 28, 2007).

Lord, please help me. Mould me into what You want me to be & have Your way. All belongs to You, Lord. I don't want to miss You anymore, in my life. Love You lots... Amen.