Sunday, March 15, 2009
The time bomb just exploded

I'm on the emotion ride game again. This time, I'm on the down side. Today's sermon reminded me on how I should trust God... because, like the verse God gave me for this season,--Psalm 23--God is my Sheperd, & I shall have no lack.

I really feel terrible because I just have no idea what I am clinging onto. I like him a lot, but there's a line to be drawn. It's not that I don't like that line, but I don't like to be kept hanging. I know there's a season for everything & I do agree it's not they season for us to be together, at least at this point of time. But I'm really getting tired. Perhaps I caused my own tiredness by thinking too much. But I hate the fact, & I hate myself, for responding to him whenever he messages or calls. Why must I do so? Because no matter how hard I prayed, I can't get him out of my thoughts. I know God must have a reason for doing so but I don't know what it is.

I've decided to bring this here because I don't know how much more to bear it all in my heart, & on my secret blog. Yup, I keep a secret blog to rant about my thoughts & feelings for him because he reads this blog occasionally. And he will respond to what I write here. All I ask now, is God's clear direction for me. I know it's God when both sides have the same response to this weird relationship.